


So Hold My Hand I'll Walk With You My Dear

by downtowndystopia



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Time, Friends to Lovers, M/M, bottom!Kurt, sex pact
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 11:10:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1938690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downtowndystopia/pseuds/downtowndystopia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Blaine are childhood best friends. At the age of 16 they make a pact wherein if both of them are virgins by graduation, they'll have sex with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Hold My Hand I'll Walk With You My Dear

**Author's Note:**

> A hundred and ten thousand million thanks to fierybeams for beta-ing I wrote a lot of this fic at night before bed and she helped me make it legible so thanks so much!. You can read/like/reblog this at my tumblr also at downtowndypstopia.tumblr.com

In a cluttered attic at Kurt’s old house they make an agreement: a pact. It starts with them trying to box up the dusty old heirlooms from Kurt’s attic and ends in an awkward but excited goodbye. The in-between is probably the most interesting part, however;

“Are you a virgin?”

Blaine laughs out of shock more than anything. “I think if I had lost the big V or like, even had my first kiss then you’d be the first to know, Kurt” Blaine says nervously, resuming his task of sorting through children's toys. “Do you think you’ll need this crib? I don’t think it's going to have much use anymore.”

Kurt glares at him. “First of all we had many a play date in that crib so yes we are keeping it. Also I’m serious, okay?” Kurt says defensively. “I didn’t know. It’s a very private thing you know,” Kurt mutters, eyes cast downward. Blaine’s eyes widen.  
“Oh my god, Kurt, did you have sex?”  
Kurt chokes on his own spit for a second, sputtering out a shocked, “What? No, of course not. Jesus, who would I do that with anyway? Sam?”

“Gross,” Blaine says. “Incest-y too now,” he points out. Sam has been living with them during the weeks of school for a while now. New Directions apparently needs him, and Kurt doesn't mind. If anything it's a nice view.

“Oh you know I’m over that,” Kurt brushes off.  
“I hope so,” Blaine laughed. “Anyway why do you ask then? Is it on your mind?” he smiles devilishly.

“Oh shut up!” Kurt admonishes. “I was just asking because I didn’t know. Also we got married in kindergarten. You totally have been kissed.”  
Blaine rolls his eyes, “Yes that definitely counts,” he says in a mockingly serious tone. “You totally rocked my six-year-old world.”

Kurt throws a dusty blanket at him. “No need to tease, Anderson,” Kurt says. “I just think that we're…we’re sixteen you know? Shouldn’t we have lost it already?” he wonders out loud. “Everyone else has.”

“Not  _everyone_ ,” Blaine emphasizes. “Is it really getting you down?”

“More like getting me up,” Kurt says under his breath. Thankfully Blaine doesn't hear him.

“What was that?” Blaine asks.

“Nothing!” Kurt squeaks. “Just--I don’t know--I don’t want to go to college a virgin; that sounds like torture.”

“Kurt, We’re barely in junior year, we still have plenty of time to lose it,” Blaine reminds him.

“But what if we’re still virgins by the time we graduate?” Blaine hadn’t thought of that really. He always assumed he and Kurt would each find boyfriends and lose it to them. Soon, hopefully.

“Would it be that bad to go to New York virgins?” Blaine tries to reason. Kurt eyes him and he shrugs in defeat. “You’re right. That would suck.”

“And not in the good way,” Kurt muses sadly. Blaine laughs at how serious Kurt seems. Even after all the years they’d known each other he could never tell 100% if Kurt was being serious or not half the time (unless he went into angry Kurt mode; then everyone knew.)

“Okay, so...What if we made a pact?” Blaine offers.  
Kurt snorts. “Blaine if I can’t find someone to get me laid how am I supposed to find someone to get you laid?” he says. “I’m pretty sure ‘hey can you go fuck my best friend’ is even more of a turn off than ‘please don’t let me be a virgin at eighteen, please-oh-pretty-please’.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Blaine says shyly.

“What else could you mean?” Kurt inquires.

“What I meant was that if we were both to be virgins by graduation we could, uh—lose it to each other?”

“What?” Kurt snaps.

“ _With_ each other?”Blaine tries again.

“The grammar isn’t what I was talking about Blaine,” Kurt squeaks.

“Well I mean its not like either of us are ugly or anything,” Blaine explains. “And I don’t want to lose it to some random guy in a dingy club bathroom. At least this way it would be with someone I care about right?”  
Blaine does have a point, and what is the harm? It’s not like either of them would actually be virgins by graduation, right? What's the worst that could happen?

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Anderson.”

*

So they made the pact two years ago and promptly set it aside. It was simple; if they were both virgins by the time they graduated then they would lose it to each other. Like a marriage pact except with sex. At the time it seemed silly and neither Kurt nor Blaine thought they’d actually have to go through with it. But now here they are, freshly graduated and off to New York to be roommates in a cool shoebox apartment...and still complete virgins.

For the first week of summer neither boy mentions the pact.  _The other must have forgotte_ /, they’d think. As hard as the boys try however, neither could feel anything but disappointment at the other forgetting their agreement.

Blaine was sure he wouldn't leave high school a virgin. When he made the pact with his childhood best friend he never thought he would  _need_ it. Two years later though and Blaine is still a virgin and he knows Kurt must be too because there is no way that Kurt would keep something like that from him. It is a predicament though; he knows Kurt is a virgin and so Kurt must know he is one too, but for some reason he just can't bring himself to talk to Kurt about the pact. It was just a joke, right? It didn’t seem like one when they made it but nevertheless Blaine at this point in his life can't take it seriously.

He can't have sex with Kurt, right? He pushes the idea from his head and lets the sexual frustrations of an eighteen year old boy who’d never even been kissed be led by his hand on himself rather than his best friend (and that idea needs to be pushed away too.)

Surprisingly enough, it's Kurt who brings it up first. It won't leave his mind so he decides to treat it like a band aid and just rip it off. He decides to bring it up over one of their nightly phone calls.

“Blaine I am calling you for sexual reasons.”  _Nailed it._

 Blaine blanches and  _thank god_ Kurt can't see him over the phone. The sight of his either beet-red or paper-white face (he isn't sure if he’d be coloured by shock or embarrassment) would totally downgrade his cool level, even if it was only Kurt who saw. “Uh, sexual things?” he squeaks.

“Well our pact, to be precise,” Kurt powers on.  
“Oh!” Blaine exclaims. “The  _pact_.” Blaine tries for nonchalance, fooling no one. “Okay well...what about it?”

“You  _know_  what, Blaine,” Kurt sighs. “All I need is whether it’s a yes or no.”

Blaine knows that tone of voice (scary Kurt the sequel is his official name for it, lest he tell Kurt that and make it a saga) so he decides to choose his words carefully. However before he can answer with a yes or no (or even a maybe) his mouth decides to blurt the opposite of what his brain tells him to.

“When?”

*

They decide to meet in person (in private—obviously) to discuss the whole virginity-losing thing, Kurt being too embarrassed to talk about it over the phone and Blaine being taken so off guard by it all that proper speech isn't going to be a thing for at least another day. So they meet at Kurt’s place the next day when the family is out. They immediately go to Kurt’s room, both of the boys blushing furiously at the knowledge of what they're going to discuss.

“Okay so the house is empty and we can...talk freely,” Kurt starts, pacing around his room in front of Blaine who is sitting gingerly on Kurt’s bed. “This is so awkward,” he admits.

“It doesn't have to be,” Blaine assures. “Come sit down beside me and we can discuss...logistics I guess?”

Kurt breathes out slowly in agreement and sits beside Blaine on his bed. “Okay so I guess the first thing we have to discuss is whether this is going to negatively impact our friendship,” Kurt says. “Because I'm not risking our friendship for a stupid pact and if this is going to make our living situation awkward--”

“It won't,” Blaine says quickly. “At least for me it won't. I mean you're my best friend and I love you and I can't imagine a better person to lose it with,” Blaine admits. “I mean of course you're also attractive. Like, really attractive but you probably know that,” he babbles.

Kurt smiles faintly. “How funny is it that we've known each other since we were kids yet there's so much about this stuff that we haven't ever discussed?” Kurt asks. “Well anyway it won't negatively impact me either. I don't think sex changes someone. It just makes them not a virgin, right?”

“Right,” Blaine agrees. “I, uh...I still haven't had my first kiss,” Blaine blurts out. “That's so embarrassing like, it almost happened at Rachel's party but then--”

“I stopped you before you made a huge mistake?” Kurt laughs. “Yeah I am hiding any and all alcohol from you when we live together,” he says. “So I guess we're not counting our grade one wedding?” Blaine looks pointedly at him. “Okay. Well then I’ve never been kissed either,” he mutters.

“Is this a good idea?” Blaine asks suddenly. “Don't get me wrong—I want to,” Blaine affirms. “But do you want to lose your first kiss and your virginity at the same time? To me?”

“I almost had that taken away from me anyways Blaine, the first kiss,” Kurt says quietly and Blaine is somber for a moment. “I'd rather give that to you and have it given back by someone I care about.”

“Me too,” Blaine agrees. “I was just making sure. And I guess our first kiss doesn't have to be that night,” he offers.

Kurt looks at him funnily, “You don't want to—you know—kiss while we do it?” Kurt asks, stomach dropping. That would just be...so weird. Too cut-off; he doesn't know if he could do that.

“Oh—no!” Blaine says. “I definitely want to kiss before during and uh—after,” he says awkwardly. “I just meant that we could do now—the kiss I mean—so it's not a huge shock when we  _do_ -it do-it.”

“You are such a dork,” Kurt quirks. “Okay I’m...I'm okay with that I guess.”

“You guess?” Blaine presses. “You can't be uncertain about this, Kurt I'm not going to do anything unless you're a hundred percent comfortable with it.”

“No I just meant that I’m nervous I’ll be like really bad at it or my breathe will be gross or something,” Kurt admits. He's glad that he's doing this with Blaine, where he won't be scared to say what he does and doesn't want, where he won't be scared to reveal his fears.

“Your breath is always nice, even in the morning,” Blaine says. “But if it would make you feel better we could both brush our teeth before we do it?”

“Would that be weird?” Kurt asks, relieved that Blaine offered.

“Not at  _all_ ,” Blaine says. “Anything that makes  _you_  comfortable makes  _me_  comfortable okay?”

“Okay,” Kurt says. “So should we go to the bathroom then?” he asks, standing up.

“Okay yeah,” Blaine says following him. “Sure.”

They brush their teeth beside each other and though they've done it before during countless sleepovers it feels surprisingly domestic this time. It's weird but in a way that Kurt definitely likes. Blaine breathes in Kurt face after to make sure his breathe is at optimal level for kisses (it is.) Kurt does the same and Blaine agrees that they're definitely breath-ready for it.

“So how should we do it?” Blaine asks.

“On the bed?” Kurt suggests. “Or is that too—you know—provocative?”

“Kurt we're going to be having sex soon,” Blaine says bluntly. “With each other,” he adds.

“With each other,” Kurt repeats quietly. “So the bed is okay?”

“The bed is fine,” Blaine says. “Maybe uh—lie back on the pillows? I'm not going to straddle you or anything,” he promises.

“Okay,” Kurt says hesitantly, lying back against his pillows, staring at the ceiling until Blaine comes up beside him, blocking his view in the nicest way.

“Hey you,” Blaine says.

“Hey yourself,” Kurt snorts, but Blaine is just staring at him. “Do I look terrible from this angle?” he asks. “Maybe we shouldn't do this with you looking down at me this can't be a flattering light--” he is stopped in his ramble when Blaine puts a hand on his cheek.

“You, Kurt Hummel,” Blaine says quietly. “Are so beautiful,” he says, leaning down slowly over Kurt’s chest (which is now rising up and down quickly in nervous bursts) and whispering into his ear, “ _I'm_   _going to kiss you now_ ”

He waits for Kurt to breathe out a “ _Yes_ ” before he drags his lips from Kurt’s ear down his cheekbone, nuzzling into the crook of Kurt’s neck. The warm breath on Kurt’s neck feels like too much and not enough all at once. He is about to let out what would have probably been a very embarrassing whine when Blaine lifts himself up just the slightest and then his eyes are closing and he can smell fresh mint and then he can  _taste_  fresh mint and it's-- _oh_ \--it's perfect.

Blaine presses his lips softly to Kurt’s, holding his hand on one side and lightly cupping Kurt’s jaw with the other. Kurt breathes in shakily, eyes fluttering open to look into the blurred vision of Blaine just milometers away from his face. Blaine knows that this is probably when he should stop; they've kissed, it's done. Kurt’s face is too open and perfect for Blaine to resist kissing him again, though harder this time. Kurt’s breathing starts to hitch and Blaine pulls away, worried, until he sees Kurt’s dilated pupils and blushing cheeks.

“Can I try something?” Blaine asks self-consciously. He's just so curious.

“You can try anything,” Kurt babbles out. “In fact please try something before I say something stupid and ruin the mood,” he insists.

Blaine smiles, “You could never ruin the mood,” still, he does what he's been thinking about doing for much longer than when they made the pact. He takes the hand gently cupping Kurt’s jaw and more forcibly (not too roughly of course) brings Kurt's profile into focus, his neck a blank canvas in front of him.

“Blaine?” Kurt whimpers slightly.

“Tell me if you want to stop,” Blaine says before pressing a hard kiss just under Kurt’s pointed jawbone. Kurt’s eyes roll back into his head and Blaine takes that as a triumph. He may have been researching it but no amount of research could ensure that Kurt would be this sensitive to his touches. He presses another kiss, further back along his neck and he doesn't stop until Kurt is whining away from it.

“Blaine—oh god—Blaine,” Kurt whines. “Pl-please stop,” he stutters and Blaine does immediately.

“What's wrong?” Blaine asks.

“Nothing,” Kurt says dismissively. “That just—it felt good.”

“That's the point, Kurt,” Blaine reminds.

“Too good,” Kurt clarifies.

Blaine's mind checks in at that and he let's out a surprised “ _Oh_ ,” and then another impressed, “Oh.”

“Shut up and stop smiling like that,” Kurt says, sitting up.

“Can we do it now?” Blaine blurts out. Kurt's eyes pop wide open. “Shit, sorry. Never mind I didn't say that.”

“We don't have the supplies,” Kurt says. “We haven't even discussed what we want to do or how we want to do it—I haven't showered since the morning,” Kurt babbles on.

“Don't worry about it,” Blaine says. “My brain just kind of said the first thing on it's mind I guess. I do have uh—supplies though,” he admits. “In my car—I didn't think we'd do it today but I was at CVS anyways getting hair gel and I thought it would be a good idea and would save us the embarrassment from having to buy condoms and lube together right?”

“A knight in shining armour, you are,” Kurt quirks. “Okay so the supplies part is taken care of,” Kurt says. “Can we talk about the uh—act then?”

“Yeah of course,” Blaine says. “What do you consider—losing your virginity? May I ask?”

“So we're just getting right to it then,” Kurt mutters.

“I'm sorry I just--”

“No its fine, Blaine,” Kurt assures. “I guess I consider anything with mutual orgasms to be sex,” Kurt says. “But I  _want_  or would prefer to, uh, go all the way. Maybe the in-between could be seen as foreplay? So we get used to the bases but still focus on the—uh-home-run?”

“Nice  _anal_ ogies,” Blaine says pointedly.

“You did not just make that joke,” Kurt deadpans. “God I can't believe I’m getting fucked by someone who makes dad jokes.”

Blaine's mouth goes completely dry. Kurt's never—ever used the terminology that bluntly.

“Sorry,” Kurt corrects himself. “It doesn't have to be me I guess.”

“I'm fine with it being you,” Blaine says.

“I'd prefer it to be me,” Kurt admits. “But I’m taking a shower first.”

“Yeah, of course,” Blaine says awkwardly. “Wait—now?”

“You're the one who wanted to do it today,” Kurt supplies, grabbing a towel and a robe from his closet. “Plus my family is all out until tomorrow night. It can be like a sleepover—prepare us for living together in the fall,” Kurt seems to catch himself. “Not like that though! Obviously.”

“Obviously,” Blaine parrots. “Okay I’ll uh, get my stuff from the car and you can do your--”

“Yeah,” Kurt says hurriedly.

“Yeah,” Blaine agrees, huffing out a laugh. “So I’m just going to--”

“Okay,” Kurt affirms. Blaine leaves and Kurt goes to the washroom to get undressed, trying not to have a panic attack. He's ready and he trusts Blaine. He's incredibly attracted to Blaine and if his best friend agrees to do that neck thing while they do it it probably wont even hurt at all. He hopes it doesn't hurt but he knows the more nervous he is about it hurting the more it will hurt so he sets his shower to hot and steps in. He takes a few calming breaths before cleaning himself in every way that he can.

Blaine walks to his car and tries to clear his thoughts but so many things are racing through his mind.  _Should he have shaved his—well that? Should he have taken a shower too? He doesn't feel dirty and they brushed their teeth but what if that's not enough?_

He tries not to panic about the actual act of it—anal sex—because the more he over-thinks it the more he panics about it, which isn't good. He can't be scared or nervous around Kurt for this. His game plan is to focus on Kurt as much as he can during the less-than-fun parts of it and god he hopes he doesn't hurt Kurt. He's not exactly porn-star huge but he isn't insecure about being too small either. Maybe he should Wikihow anal sex on his phone while Kurt is in the shower? Would that make him a terrible person?

Probably.

It's too late to do any last-minute research anyway since Kurt is on his bed in a fluffy white robe looking at his hands. He must have taken an extraordinarily long time panicking about it because Kurt is a total clean freak and there's no way he took a quick ten minute shower.

“Have you been waiting long?” he asks.

“No I just got in about a minute ago,” Kurt says. “So should we just—get to it then?” he asks.

“Yeah I guess I should uh, take off my top,” Blaine says awkwardly.

“Yeah I’m not getting out of this robe until you are just as naked as I am,” Kurt agrees. Blaine immediately starts unbuttoning his shirt and then pants, trying to get them off as quick as possible, to Kurt’s amusement.

Blaine is in his underwear—green briefs—when he looks at Kurt kind of expectantly. “Can we uh-even out the playing field now? I feel kind of exposed.”

“Yeah, of course,” Kurt says. He isn't exactly shy about his body anymore. He knows that he is attractive, even if no guys around him find it to be that way. Blaine has seen him just about naked, multiple times; they have sleepovers every Friday. Its not as if they've never seen each other in their underwear. This time is different however, and the weight of it all makes Kurt pause before reaching for the belt of his robe.

“Wait--” Blaine says. “Can I, uh, do the honours?” Kurt snorts but nods, standing to face Blaine. Blaine tugs lightly at the knot, pulling it loose so that all Blaine has to do is look down or open the robe to see Kurt’s--everything. “Is it okay if I look then?” Kurt blushes but nods so Blaine peels the robe off of Kurt’s shoulders, letting it fall to the ground.

“Okay take your underwear off now,” Kurt says before Blaine can even look down. He complies easily, stepping of his briefs and kicking them away. Kurt's eyes bug out when he trails down Blaine’s body. “Holy shit.”

Blaine nods in agreement, ogling Kurt’s body. “Shit we're like the wonder twins of hotness,” Blaine murmurs. “I mean, you're way hotter, but  _damn_. We look good together,” Blaine laughs, looking in the mirror beside Kurt’s bed.

Kurt does look for a moment, and the contrast between them is aesthetically and erotically very attractive. Blaine’s cock is kind of huge though. He doesn't want to outright say that but apparently nothing makes a dick look bigger than knowing it's going to be inside him soon.

“What's on your mind?” Blaine asks.

“Uhm.”

“Kurt, we're best friends this isn't going to be awkward,” Blaine says. Its definitely going to be awkward of course, but Blaine isn't going to say that outright.

“Fine. I’m thinking about your--” he has no clue what to call it out loud. Can he say cock? Is that appropriate? Anything but twinkle-tube anything but--

“My cock?” Blaine asks hesitantly. “I'm cold,” he adds uselessly.

“Um, yes, your cock and sorry about that. We could get under the covers and continue our discussion there?” They probably look ridiculous standing there stark naked, barely uttering out any words.

“Oh,” Blaine says in disappointment. “You want to do it under the covers?”

“Isn't that how most people do it?” Kurt asks. “And, seriously, even if we're not doing it under the covers we're getting under the covers now I’m cold and not turned on at all.”

“Sorry,” Blaine says, scooting next to Kurt under his duvet. “So, anyway, I don't think its odd to do it without any covers but if it makes you more comfortable it doesn't matter. I just thought that maybe while I—you know—uh fingered you that I could go down on you and doing that under the covers might be gross and or tricky. Also not being able to see what I’m doing could lead to not the best outcomes,” he lets Kurt think about it for a moment before Kurt nods in agreement.

“Okay but I don't think you're going to be able to go down on me and finger me at the same time. This isn't the sex Olympics, and that sounds at least intermediate level for us,” he stammers our, blushing. “Could we just kiss a bit again and then when we're warmer we can go on top of the bedding and continue? Should I put a towel down?”

“That would reduce the chances of having to do embarrassing laundry,” Blaine agrees. So Kurt puts a towel beside the bed for when they do it.

“Okay, maybe just...start kissing me again?” Kurt asks. Blaine nods in affirmation and it's awkward when they're naked because their toes are cold and when Blaine tries to kiss him Kurt squeaks and shrugs away because Blaine’s hands were too cold on his ribs. Eventually they get the hang of it though and it feels like they're just going at it, Blaine not stopping for breath before leaning into Kurt again.

“Okay over the covers—over the covers,” Kurt says hastily. Blaine complies easily, trying not to feel self-conscious about his erection jutting out so obscenely when he leaves the bed to gather the towel and supplies. Kurt isn't exactly hiding the fact that he is hard but it's obvious he isn't trying to display his dick to the world either. “I'm going to lie down now,” Kurt says nervously once Blaine puts the towel down and the condoms and lube beside them on the bed.

“Okay I’ll, uh, start,” Blaine says. He doesn't actually know what he is going to start doing but he straddles Kurt this time and kisses him and that is good--wow very good—so he grabs the lube. Kurt looks a bit terrified so Blaine assures him that they're not doing that yet, he wants to try frotting with some—without the bad friction. He pours some lube into his hand (and wow it seriously goes everywhere what the fuck) and then begins stroking them both. Kurt lets out a choked moan and so Blaine decides to steer his attention to Kurt’s neck again since he liked that so much before.  
Like the last time however, Kurt has to stop him before Blaine can even think about giving Kurt a hickey because Kurt’s overwhelmed again. He gets it—he does. Kurt is gorgeous being with him is a balancing act. “Do you want to stop?” Blaine asks.

“No just give me a minute,” Kurt says. “And maybe we can get to the uh...you know the fingering part now?” Blaine swallows dryly with nerves and arousal.

“Yeah of course,” Blaine says. “I guess we'll just—maybe,” he doesn't know how to say 'spread your legs' in any way that sounds remotely romantic or not obscene. Instead he taps on the inside of Kurt’s knee and kind of presses a bit.

“I'm confused,” Kurt says blankly at Blaine’s incessant tapping at his knee.

“Uh I need you to not have your legs closed together if I’m going to be doing  _that_.”

“Oh!” Kurt says, blushing. “Yeah okay,” he spreads his legs a bit but Blaine has no access to where he needs to be.

“Kurt I’m going to prop you up with a pillow okay?” Blaine asks, grabbing one of Kurt’s many pillows. “I'll wash it later I promise,” he says. “And uh,” he says, getting Kurt to lift his hips. “It might be easier if you held your knees kind of to your chest?” he suggests. “Like this,” he says and manoeuvres Kurt into the correct position.

“I feel ridiculous,” Kurt says, looking up at the ceiling.

“You look hot,” Blaine says seriously.

“Thanks bestie,” Kurt says sardonically. “Okay please start doing something so I can keep some of my dignity?”

“Kurt, you, have all of your dignity, this isn't an undignified act you know,” Blaine says.

“I didn't mean that politically I just meant please put your fingers into my ass,” Kurt says bluntly.

“Right,” Blaine says. “I can do that.” Blaine slicks his fingers up more than they were before when they were frotting. He figures too much lube is not enough; he's pretty sure he heard that somewhere. “Um can I ask—if you've done this before?” Blaine asks shyly. “It's just that I haven't,” he tries to explain.

“Uh, no I can't say that I have,” Kurt says. “Is that bad?”

“No its fine,” Blaine assures. “I was just wondering.” Damn, he'd hoped that Kurt would maybe know how to go about this. Whenever he watched porn they never showed this part and although he knew it was extremely necessary he hadn't quite thought about much more than having his dick in Kurt’s ass. He clears his head and gets to the task at hand (literally) however and brings his slicked fingers behind Kurt’s cock and balls to his perineum, massaging lightly to see if it gets a response (it does—kind of—but Kurt isn't nearly turned on enough for it to really do anything) and backs his fingers even further until they are between Kurt’s cheeks, rubbing softly against the pucker of his hole.

“Oh my” Kurt says nervously, and Blaine can feel Kurt tighten in apprehension. “Can you um...warn me before you—you know—do it?” he asks.

“Of course, Kurt,” Blaine says, hesitating before adding, “But in order for this to go well you're going to need to relax a bit.”

“I'm trying,” Kurt bites back, looking up at the ceiling. “I'm just nervous,” he admits.

“Do you want to stop?” Blaine asks earnestly.

Kurt rolls his eyes, “I'll be fine Blaine don't worry,” he says.

“Okay,” Blaine breathes, and starts pushing his middle finger into Kurt. Kurt sort of shrugs away from it at first, not quite in pain but also not used to the feeling.

“Kurt, you, have to relax,” Blaine says again.

“Blaine, your finger is in my ass. It's kind of hard to relax,” Kurt says. Blaine decides that not making any physical contact with Kurt except for his fingers isn't the best idea for keeping Kurt relaxed and, hopefully soon, turned on. He reaches up as far as his hand will let him and starts pressing hard, sucking kisses to Kurt’s collarbone and neck. His plan more or less works, Kurt isn't quite as focused on the absurdity of being fingered by his best friend when Blaine is pressing hickeys onto the sensitive skin of his neck.

It doesn't so much hurt, having Blaine’s fingers; moreso it just feels a bit uncomfortable. Being stretched that way feels obscene in a dirty way that Kurt never really thought he'd enjoy. He does like the feeling of it though, he knows Blaine’s fingers aren't as thick or long as Blaine's—well they're not a realistic portrayal of what he's about to be taking, is all. He does eventually like it though, Blaine kissing him everywhere, pressing up into his slowly swelling prostate. It feels good, if a bit dulled. He feels a bit like a pillow princess; he has no clue how Blaine is enjoying this. It's obvious once he's ready, they both feel Kurt relax fully and when Blaine slowly pulls out his fingers Kurt moans loudly.

“It just feels like a lot is all,” Kurt explains, blushing profusely.

“That's good,” Blaine says dazedly. “I mean it's hot,” he says again. “Really hot.” Blaine hopes that he can make Kurt feel good enough to make those noises again because  _damn_. How did he never know how sexy and sensual his best friend is? How have they never done this before?

“Hot is good,” Kurt says. “Tell me when it goes from hot to weird,” Kurt smiles.

“It won't,” Blaine says. “So I’m going to--” he says awkwardly, adding a generous amount of lube to his cock.

“Oh!,” Kurt says. “Oh uhm, yeah, okay I’ll just--” he positions his legs a bit wider for better access.

“Just breathe alright?” Blaine says quietly, kneeling between Kurt’s legs and lining up. “And tell me if you want to stop at any time okay?” Kurt nods and Blaine feels his brain kind of go the wayward because he is really about to lose his virginity to Kurt: the guy he loves, his best friend, his everything and—oh. This might not be the best idea after all.

“Kurt,” Blaine begins, but Kurt interrupts.

“Please kiss me,” Kurt breathes. “And go slow?” he asks shyly.

Blaine nods, shaking off his thoughts; he can have an internal breakdown about being in love with his best friend later. He lines himself up again and starts to push in.

Kurt gasps at the sudden flash of pain, although expected it's a bit much. “Uh-ow,” Kurt says, breathing heavily.

“Do you want me to pull out?” Blaine asks immediately. Kurt shakes his head 'no' and starts breathing evenly through his nose again. When Kurt starts to breathe out, Blaine pushes in again, to a squirming Kurt.

For Kurt at first it's a flash of pain and pressure and it just feels kind of—wrong. Then there's a bit of a pop, and a real honest-to-god sharp pain that only lasts about a second and then Blaine is in. “Oh wow,” he says, as Blaine is able to slide in easier. “Wow.  _Wow_.”

“Are you saying ow?” Blaine asks worriedly.

“No it's just,” Kurt stutters for a second because it feels—it just feels so much. He can't explain it. “Wow.”

“Good wow?”

“Mhm,” Kurt have says and half moans. “You can move,” he adds as an afterthought.

Blaine pulls out a bit before pushing back in and it feels so intense, Kurt knows that Blaine isn't quite hitting his prostate but it feels so good and Blaine is obviously enjoying himself. Blaine tests the waters by pushing a little bit harder on the thrusts and Kurt squirms. He tries really hard not to move too much but it just feels like so much. It's not quite enough to get him off but if Blaine started touching him he'd be done in minutes.

“Can I go faster?” Blaine pants. “You're so hot, Kurt, and so good--shit,” he breathes.

“Yes,” Kurt moans. “And yes you can-- _oh--_ go faster, please,” Kurt moans lengthily as Blaine starts rolling his hips into Kurt with nearly no reprieve from Blaine’s impressive dick thrusting into him. Kurt wraps his legs tightly around Blaine’s small waist as Blaine goes as quick as he can, taking breaks to slow down, of course, because he isn't a porn star and doesn't have super human strength. His stamina is pretty good, though, Kurt has to admit.

“I want you to come first” Blaine says, as he picks up the pace again. “Can I touch you?”

“Oh god please,” Kurt says. “And maybe thrust your hips up a little bit-- _ohgod_ ” Kurt suddenly understands all the hype about the prostate because it is fucking fantastic; his entire body feels like liquid fire. Blaine stops the shallow thrusts to just grind up and into Kurt’s now-swollen prostate, making him squirm delightfully in pleasure. Blaine starts stoking his cock and begins the quick-but-deep thrusts into Kurt and he can't last; he comes all over his and Blaine’s stomachs, moaning in a high pitched (and in hindsight extremely embarrassing) whine.

Blaine keeps going as Kurt comes down and it's too much. Kurt is about to ask Blaine to stop when he stalls and grabs Kurt’s shoulder tight. He is wearing a condom so Kurt can't actually  _feel_  Blaine coming into him but Kurt can still feel it—if that makes sense. Blaine slowly pulls out, holding the base of the condom and throwing it out before collapsing beside Kurt on the bed.

“That was...intense,” Kurt comments after a while.

“That was a religious experience,” Blaine replies. “I'm pretty sure your ass has magical properties,” he says before realizing his words. “I have no filter right now I am so sorry.”

“Mm don't worry, I’m pretty sure the noises I made were inhuman as I was coming so,” Kurt snorts. “Yeah I’m fine with a little less filter.”

“Then can I say one more thing?” Blaine asks. Kurt nods hesitantly, afraid that Blaine is going to say something insulting or hurtful. “I have never felt more connected to a person than I did just now,” he admits.

“I'm feeling vulnerable right now,” Kurt replies quietly. “I didn't think I’d feel different but I do. I feel amazing, don't get me wrong, but I also feel—I don't know. I feel weird.”

Blaine frowns, “Kurt, come here,” he opens his arms. “I think I know what you mean. This felt different from masturbating, it was intimate and it kind jumbled my brain,” he says into Kurt’s hair. “But it was amazing and I don't regret it at all.”

“I didn't know it would feel like this,” Kurt says quietly.

“Good or bad?” Blaine asks.

Kurt turns to face him, “Very good. But also confusing,” he says. “I'm sleepy and kind of hungry and covered in my own sweat and—god and my own  _come_. I feel dirty, I guess, but I just, I feel really vulnerable right now,” he repeats.

“Let's nap,” Blaine says. “I can't imagine a better way to end our first time then cuddling together in your bed.”

“Blaine, we're both covered in my come,” Kurt says. “I can't fall asleep like this!”

Blaine chuckles and kisses Kurt on the lips a couple of times before leaving the room. Before Kurt can even protest Blaine is back with a warm wet towel. “For cleaning purposes,” he explains. He cleans the worst of the come off of them and discards the towel to the floor. “Now get under the covers and let me spoon you.”

Kurt complies with a smile. Blaine knows that if Kurt says he is vulnerable then its not a good idea to add any heavy emotions to the pile. They fall asleep nestled together in Kurt’s bed. The last thought on Blaine’s mind is that he could not be more in love with his best friend.

*

Three months later and they are moving into their own apartment; now a one bedroom, in New York City. It's a dream come true that neither of them knew could only be completed by their own requited feelings. Nobody was surprised when they came out as a couple. In fact, Kurt is pretty sure Burt knew that very day that they had sex. He may just be paranoid but Blaine agrees that Burt definitely knew something was up.

Their apartment is in Brooklyn, close enough to see the Manhattan skyline at least. They both go to NYADA, but Kurt ends up finishing with a two year degree in musical theatre to pursue a career in fashion, which he becomes very successful at. Blaine graduates as the star of his class and gets his first role on Broadway as Guy on  _Once_  a year after graduation. After, that he sparks a lot of popularity in the Broadway community and, along with Kurt’s continuous promotions at Vogue, they eventually find themselves as successful adults living in the big city.

It's amazing and terrifying and sometimes downright terrible. There are days where Kurt wishes that they had just stayed friends because he is so scared that he is going to lose Blaine. There are weeks when Blaine is sure that Kurt is done with him. There are months where neither of them have the time to talk, let alone communicate with each other and it scares them both.

Blaine almost cheats in his third year at NYADA while Kurt is working as an overworked and barely-paid intern at Vogue before telling Kurt. Kurt almost lets him, the betrayal of knowing it was a serious thought in Blaine’s mind. They cry and fuck and sing and laugh and it gets better and worse as life does.

Blaine proposes when Kurt gets the job as assistant editor at Vogue, at the party he sings, gives the cheesiest and most beautiful speech humanly possible (“So Kurt Hummel, my best friend in the world and my fearless love”.) Kurt says yes and it's perfect.

Life  _isn't_  perfect, marrying your best friend isn't perfect, and no matter how successful or happy or rich they are, almost nothing can be truly perfect. Their love for each other, though, that pure strong bond that has existed since before they could even communicate properly with words,  _that_  is perfect. A love like that can never change: only grow.


End file.
